Fleshlight – a review

The other day, I wrote about my impulsive decision to buy a Fleshlight with an Ella Hughes vagina sleeve.

When the box arrived, I was… excited? Not quite. As I wrote in that previous post, I don’t have an unambivalent relationship to sex toys for men.

No, I was… curious.

I opened it up, took it out, and my first thought was… “Ew!”

There’s really nothing very appealing looking about the fleshlight. I suppose it’s meant to be what Crayola used to call – in racist ignorance – “flesh” colored. In practice, though, I would call it… I don’t know, sort of iridescent (and deeply unappealing, and not human) pink/yellow. It has two pieces to it: the plastic “fleshlight,” and the (latex? silicone?) pussy tube. The fleshlight itself is… surprisingly big. It’s a little bigger than a large travel coffee thermos. With the word “FLESHLIGHT” garishly emblazoned on the side.

All of which begs the question: why not make it look like a large travel coffee thermos? It wouldn’t have been hard to make it black or navy blue metallic (or even plastic), and not brand it – in which case, it could sit comfortably just about anywhere. Instead, as do most sex toys, this sex toy has to be hidden, if it’s not in an un-visited bachelor pad.

And the “pussy sleeve”? It’s just… really creepy looking. At the top, there’s a little circle of silicone simulated “flesh” with a pussy-looking opening in the middle of it. (And not just a pussy-looking opening – an Ella Hughes’s pussy-looking opening, supposedly.) But it’s really weird, and creepy, and icky-looking.

I am a pervert. I’ve written that before. Some perverts really do see their sex partners as nothing more than their parts. And if I were such a person, I can imagine being excited by this pussy replica on top of a foot-long silicone tube.

But I’m not that kind of pervert.

To me, it just looks like gross. It doesn’t look like a pussy, at all. It looks like a silicone pussy replica on a silicone sleeve. Which does not excite me.

So there’s that, to start.

The way it works is, you take the silicone sleeve – with the fake pussy on top, and a narrowed, octagonal-ish tube leading down from that, and you insert it into the what-should-be-a-travel-coffee thermos. It takes a little work to get the whole thing inserted correctly, snugly. Not hard work. Just a once-around with the fingers to make the pussy sit snugly. Sort of like changing a bike tire, but with no tire irons required.

So then, you squeeze some lube on the “pussy,” and… insert cock.

And THIS is where, suddenly, everything gets goooood.

I inserted my cock. It doesn’t, to me, feel at all like inserting my cock into a human. For starters, of course, I’ve never met a woman yet the first part of whom I saw was her cunt, never mind the first part of whom I touched was her cunt. Add to that, of course, I’ve never met a woman the inside of whose pussy was room temperature.

And all sorts of other stuff. The whole replicating-a-pussy thing, to me, just draws attention to the millions of ways in which the Fleshlight is nothing like a pussy.

But.

Once my cock slid into the Fleshlight, I mostly forgot about all that because, while it felt nothing like a pussy, it did feel really fucking good.

I don’t know that I’ve ever written about the sensation of fucking in the way that I have written about getting my cock sucked, licking a pussy, or coming. I should do that sometime.

The sensation of inserting my cock in a Fleshlight waswell…. As the tip of my cock entered, it was much more like the sensation of entering an ass than like the sensation of entering a pussy. The Fleshbot is tighter than any pussy I’ve ever met. It’s really tight. And, unlike either an ass or a pussy, the tightness doesn’t diminish as you enter. There’s no “now I’m in I can go deeper” feeling, as both pussies and asses provide, though pussies, more. There’s just this “oooooh – it’s still really fucking tight” sensation.

And “tight” really doesn’t quite capture it, either.

It’s not exactly tight. It’s more like… close? Enveloping? All-encompassing? When my cock is in a pussy, it generally feels like it’s in a pussy. In the Fleshlight? My cock feels like there’s a Fleshlight that’s trying to squeeze it. Yeah, sure, that’s a sensation that some pussies present, to a certain extent. But. Not really. Pussies feel to me, generally, like tiny rooms that my cock is in, that it belongs in. The Fleshlight feels like a… really tiny room that my cock really doesn’t belong in, like it can be in it, but only because I can hold it in it, like, if I let go, my cock would be expelled.

Sometimes, a cunt expels my cock. Usually, right around the moment of orgasm. That’s different. That feeling is more like… a tsunami of pressure from within, pushing my cock backwards, out. This is more like… a hand squeezing a small tube of toothpaste, reducing the space within so my cock has nowhere to be but out.

So.

My hand wrapped around the what-should-be-a-coffee-thermos, I jerk it back and forth, up and down, sliding the lubed silicone on my cock, delivering pressure everywhere. Honestly, the sensation is much more like a skillful handjob than a tight pussy, pressure everywhere, friction everywhere. I prefer fucking to handjobs, and oral, to both. But this sensation is, somehow, a thousand times better than anything I’ve ever been able to give myself with my own hands. The pressure is uniformly delivered, and ubiquitously delivered. As I slide the device up and down my cock, as it squeezes more tightly than I imagine possible, inevitably, I explode with cum – and pretty quickly.

Here, though, is where the Fleshlight really shines – in two ways. First, the orgasm itself, the sensation of cum leaving my cock, is much more like the sensation of orgasm during sex than like during conventional masturbation. I never really gave much thought to this previously. In my mind, orgasm with another human is different from orgasm with myself. And that remains true. But. There is something especially… draining… about an orgasm with another that I hadn’t previously identified. I think, in my mind, I always conflated that draining sensation with the part of the experience that comes from being with another. In fact, though, the Fleshlight leaves my cock feeling drained in a way that, previously, I associated primarily with a woman’s mouth. So that’s something pretty interesting.

And then, second, cleaning up: somehow, the Fleshlight sleeve has been designed to be cum-resistant. Cleaning this thing is the easiest thing in the world. You separate the two parts – the sleeve and the travel thermos mug. The sleeve itself? You just rinse, running water through the pussy hole that runs the entire length of the thing. And then the travel thermos mug, you just squirt a little dish soap in, rinse, and dry. Easy peasy. The easiest clean-up after a jerk-off session ever. No crusty t-shirts or towels, no wads of tissues or paper towel.

Bottom line: I love my new Fleshlight. I wish to God it wasn’t so ugly.

4 comments

  1. Did you get any pleasure at all from what I had thought was the primary purpose of such an item? To have an idea of what Ella would feel like.

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