Does anyone want?
I’m so meta in everything, I never do something so straightforward as want-ing. When I want, there are multiple components to what I’m doing. I’m anticipating, I’m “self-ing,” defining myself with respect to what it is I want, and I’m aching for the meaning around the object, person, activity I desire, for the things I can do with it, her.
“I want you,” I say.
But that’s so incomplete as to be almost entirely wrong.
What I want is from you, of you.
When you give yourself to me, when you allow me to take what I want from you (your mouth, your cunt, your compliance) what I get is something other than what you’re giving: I’m getting a sense of deep, internal well-being. You can’t give it to me, but I can take it from you. I can use you, what you’re giving to me, to manufacture that sense in myself.
I wrote a week or so ago about the chain of thoughts and desires that flow from me when I see a beautiful ass in black leggings. I note how… removed… from the typical real of desires is mine.
Am I alone in this? When you want, what is it that you want?