This is just a musing, or perhaps a rant: we have a profile on SLS (the dominant “swingers” dating site, at least in my city). Until today, we were both listed as “bi-curious.” Now, to be clear, I’m straight. I know that about myself. I have had sex with a couple of guys, always limited to oral, and none of it since, oh, about twenty years ago.
I occasionally fantasize (though as fantasies go, it’s more of a cerebral one than a libidinal one) about sucking a guy’s cock. Not in the, “it-makes-me-hard-to-imagine” kind of way – in the “hmmm-that-would-be-interesting” kind of way. And I like the male body just fine. I think porn with hot guys is hotter than porn without.
And it doesn’t gross me out to imagine incidental or even more-than-incidental contact with a guy in a group sex situation.
Turns out, this all is apparently differentiating in the world of swingers. So much so that checking the “bi-curious” box on SLS has had all sorts of unfortunate results. On the one hand, it seems that couples, the male of whom is straight, shy the fuck away from folks like me, worried that I might, oh, fuck them up the ass when they’re not looking. And, on the other, it seems that couples the male of whom is bi or gay, and for whom the primary benefit of swinging is his getting some contact with cock, gravitate to me/us like moths to a flame.
Here’s a snippet from a recent chat I had:
“I like integration of all parties. I don’t crave cock, but I like the idea of being close with A. and having another couple close with us, and not having to worry if the guy is going to freak out if he feels my hands on his balls…lol”
My response? “I think it’s safe to say I wouldn’t freak out, but I can’t promise I’d welcome it. Worst case, for me, would be ‘No thanks,’ and a gentle push away.”
But he kept circling back [sic, throughout]:
“does it intereest/excite your wife…the throught of you sucking a mans cock infront of her?”
In response to this, I moved on, telling him “This is an area of greater excitement for you than for us.” And from there, we graduated to not making plans together. (I had the distinct sense I could “hear” his hand stroking his cock as he typed the typo-laden question above.)
So on to the rant: What? The? Fuck?
I don’t want to hang out with these people, let alone fuck them. Men who are so uptight that they imagine that the fact that I might check a “bi-curious” box means I’m going to rape them? Other men who are so creepy that they make the former set of men seem likely to be right in the assumptions to which they leap?