Trauma bond

I won’t trouble you with the details, but Charlotte and I share a trauma bond. When she’s overwhelmed, or stressed, or distressed, or sick, or whatever… she goes radio silent. Or almost so.

And as I’ve written about, generically, before, she wants to be a good girl. She doesn’t want to disappoint. But more than that, she doesn’t want to be present for her disappointment. Much more than she doesn’t want to disappoint.

We are now in our bonus round.

I have used her to remember my maternal abandonment. I will do that no more than one more time. This isn’t a criticism, or a complaint. I sympathize with her needs. I’m just not willing to endure the cost they impose on me. Without acrimony, recrimination, or blame. With nothing but affection, admiration, and respect.

I’ll help her as best I can. Fingers crossed we are done with this….

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