Favorites – person you long to have sex with

Marina: (I wrote)

Tell me (about) the person with whom you’ve never had sex, but with whom you most would like to do so. Other than me. Obvs.

I will learn her answer, soon enough.

My answer confounds me, just a little. There’s K – my first-ever girlfriend, whom I kissed, and whose tiny nipples I played with, whose perky breasts were the first I ever touched, when I was 13. She grew up to be a beautiful woman (I’m certain), and it pains me that I never slid a finger into her cunt, let alone my cock into it, or into her mouth. But that’s a sort of dream. Had I fucked her at 13? My tiny little penis surely would have exploded in five seconds, and she’d have the most unpleasant sexual memory of me. So I don’t really regret the limits of her and my sexual relationship.

There’s L, a triplet. The only one of the three I never kissed. And the only one with whom I’m still friends. (And, whose husband I really like. And who has a kid with whom I share a name.) Now, L and I really, truly, should have fucked. I think she would agree. And who knows – life is long – but I think our window closed, and L and I will have to live in one another’s fantasies.

And then there’s a host of more recent women. M, preternaturally beautiful – I wrote about her a few years ago once or twice. She rendered me speechless when we were in the same room. We don’t have that much in common. Not much of a connection. But damn. F, whom I scared with my non-conventional ways just as she was marching into a conventionally monogamous marriage. And of course, Pam, who tends (tended) bar at the bar. The thing about Pam is, well, two things: first, of course, that she had never tasted her pussy. Which I just. Don’t. Get. And second, there’s the fact that she and the bartender are a (really great) couple. And I have no appetite for that particular bit of complexity. In my dream world. the bartender would give Pam a hall pass for a night, so I could put her to the use to which I believe God intended. But that world, alas, isn’t this world. And so I’m consigned to my platonic, fun, flirty relationship with the two of them.

I suppose if I had to pick, today, I would pick Layla. Layla is a brunette beauty with a somewhat masculine, authoritative style of speech that doesn’t turn me on, exactly. But she’s smoking hot, and whip smart. Much smarter than I am. And that – that is a huge turn-on. So Layla it is.

N.

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