There’s a meme going around in which we’re asked to nominate our top posts of the year, or other people’s top posts. Cara Thereon, who writes a blog I really enjoy, recently announced her decision not to participate. I’m with her.
It’s been interesting to watch the evolution of my thinking (and feelings) about these rankings that people do of sex blogs, and of blog posts. At the beginning (three years ago now!), I desperately wanted recognition. In the middle (one and two years ago), I think I felt somewhat bitter that my recognition – which was good, to be sure – wasn’t better. And now?
I think I’m almost entirely indifferent.
I know what my traffic is. I know who my readers are. I know what my community is. I don’t fit into any community neatly. I judged for over a year on the monthly e[lust] contest, and, to the best of my recollection – I may be wrong – none of the entries for which I voted ever made it to the top three, and none of the entries I submitted ever made it to the top three. This left me with the distinct sense that the effort I was putting into judging wasn’t really worth it.
This is fine, I suppose. It’s not my contest. But I mean, it’s really not my contest. The stuff that won was usually the stuff that I’d close the tab on without even reading, knowing, as I did, that it wasn’t for me, simply based on how the page looked, what the title was. (It often was stuff that turned me off, sexually, intellectually, or both. This isn’t a knock on the content: it’s a statement about my tastes relative to those of the rest of the judges.)
My community is small, self-selecting. I’ve made a couple of friends over here in blog-land (Liza, Hy, and one or two more who’ll remain anonymous). I’ve flirted with a couple of others whose reputations I won’t besmirch here. But the truth is, blogging is, for me, highly personal. I love having readers. I love having discussions in this forum. I love learning from you, being forced to think by you, being challenged on my positions, thoughts, by you.
And while there’s a part of my ego that still does, always will, crave a larger audience, greater accolades, more recognition, the truth is, I’ve come to accept that I do this for me, not for you, and certainly not for the compilers of some arbitrary list.
Of course, if you all go over and nominate and vote for me, I’ll be super happy!