Sofia writes, “I’ve never thought about this from the perspective of the men who fuck me. I want them to feel a hundred percent good about me, about our relationship, but at the same time I want them to want to harm me somehow. Which I guess can be complicated. Or not. Well, I don’t know.”
I think this is part of why dominance of this sort can be so challenging in an emotionally intimate relationship: the wish to harm someone you love is difficult, painful, even impossible. And even if it’s an attenuated harm, a metaphorical harm, it’s best, sexually, when that attenuation is remote, when it feels, to both parties, like the real thing.