Sofia offered a woman’s perspective, and a thoughtful one, too.
It’s true that women can “obtain sex” quite easily. Differently than men, we can go to just about any place and find someone to fuck if we show we’re interested (depending on the place, we don’t even have to show anything).
I want sex. And I don’t know about other women, but I don’t want ANY sex. All this availability isn’t helpful for me, at all. Fucking a guy I’ve just met in a bar, it doesn’t matter how nice he is, or how much chemistry we (seem to) have, is just not my thing. And it is not because I don’t like the idea of no strings attached, uncomplicated sex – it’s just because I think that sex like this has too big a potential to bring more complications and disappointment than fun. But that’s just me.
There is, of course, the “traditional” way to do this: meet a guy, get to know him, develop familiarity with him, try to see if we’re into the same things (sexually), and THEN fuck him. But that’s not what I want. Don’t get me wrong, this part is fun, but right now, I’m not really up for it – I just want what I want, exactly how I want it, without complications.
On your post, you said that you “fantasize about a world in which sex (and not just sex – sex with new and unfamiliar partners) is easier to come by”. I totally relate to this. Well, what I fantasize about is different, but the same in principle: I wish it was easier to come by people who want casual sex but who are open to (and interested in) discussing preferences before fucking. I wish this was more… Natural. This is the kind of availability I want. And that’s really scarce around here.
I’m probably too picky, and I definitely lack disposition to search for what I want (or at least to make myself available for it to find me). There are plenty of dating websites designed for this, and a few places to go. But this is, for the most part, a slow process, and right now, honestly, I don’t have the patience for it. I just want a guy with whom I’m sexually “compatible” to magically land in front of me. Why is this so hard?
The only thing I’d add is this: I’m not so un-picky either, as I’ve written many times. I like Sofia’s idea of a world in which there’s sort of a marketplace for people to discuss their preferences and match up prior to the sex part of the encounter. Some people might say this exists, and it’s called “bars.” But that’s not right. In bars, there are all sorts of rules – implicit and explicit – that obtain. I’ve never been in a bar where it would be anything other than bizarre to walk up to a man or woman and say, “So – are you into anal?” Or, “I think your mouth would look particularly good wrapped around my cock for two hours. How does that strike you?” I suppose there are those who talk that way, who approach people that way. But to me, it seems, well, just really disrespectful to do that to someone I’ve never met in a bar. Sheesh – she might just be there to drown her sorrows, or see a friend, or whatever.
What do you think?