Hot vs crazy

Two ladies.

Drunk.

They’re hot, for sure.

But, honestly, I’m off duty.

One of them announces her boyfriend. “I have a boyfriend,” she slurs, or something like that. The other engages. In spite of herself. In spite of me. My wedding rings (I wear two) are visible. She sits to my left. I show her my charts.

I had been working on one I won’t show here, when Pam had asked if I was making this chart:

I wasn’t. But then, I did. Obvs.

I asked Pam where she landed. She was paralyzed. I asked her where I might find her boyfriend, the bartender. She said, “Men have a different graph, silly.” Then she said something I heard as “Sexy, goofy.” There was some back and forth.

Eventually, after much back and forth, I understood she meant this:

I said, “Ok. Where’s the bartender?” Again. Paralyzed.

The bartender was decisive.

He placed himself at (0,10). He placed Pam at (0,10).

Then, he thought about it.

He slid Pam over to (5,10). “That’s hotter,” he explained.

The two drunk chicks and I had conversation. One told me, in slurred speech, that she has a boyfriend. Again.

When someone does this once I never know what she’s saying. When she does twice, I’m pretty clear. It’s not what she thinks she’s saying.

The other, fully engaged, placed herself on the hot/crazy chart, but only on the y (hot) axis.

We had a methodological discussion. Hot to whom? (Inexplicably, she brought up first graders.) Crazy to whom? What sample size?

She asked me to plot her. I told her I lacked data.

She insisted.

I could do the Y-axis. Eight. The task begged all sorts of strategic, tactical, and diplomatic questions. I thought she was hot. And, I wanted use of her body. Not tonight. Some night in the future.

Eight felt right. She’s hot. The combination of the color (blonde, but not platinum) and texture (wavy, curly, not kinky) and thickness of her hair – and her lips – placed her solidly high on the Y-axis. She’s not a model. She works in business. That’s right. She’s not a ten. Or a nine. Those people belong in other fields.

She’s an eight.

I felt good about that. At the top end of the normal people axis.

I told her that her X-axis was unknown to me. And what’s worse, that her Y-axis dot was provisional, subject to interaction with the X-axis.

Long story short: I’ll let you know her final placement.

On both axes.

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