The former is a turn-on. The latter, not so much.
This confuses me, given how much I (tell myself I) value certainty. I want to know that you’ll give me what I want. To know it. And at the same time, if I know it with too much certainty, the excitement that knowledge brings begins to recede. Worse, it begins to rot, to fester, to decay.
Somewhere, there lies an optimal balance between certainty and risk. I need to feel safe, secure, confident, that you’ll give me what I want. But I also need to know there are limits, that danger lurks, if not around the corner, two corners away.
For me, arousal, excitement, depend on a balance being struck between this confidence and that danger.