She asked me what I think motivates her in her interactions with me.
I’m not sure why she asked me. Presumably, I told her, she knows better than I do what her motivations are. But I took a stab at them. I share them here with you, not so much so you can get to know Sofia, but so you can get to know how I think about Sofia. There was a whole back and forth afterward, which gets more personal, more intimate, which I won’t share.
None of this is criticism, or complaint. You asked, and as I answer, I’ll do some observing. I hope you can take it in the spirit it’s offered, kind, caring, concerned.
1) I believe that a crucial aspect of what you get from your engagement with me is my response to what you send. It’s apparent to me (though sometimes, regrettably, I forget) that when you send something to me, that launches (or at least continues) a process that doesn’t end until I’ve given you my response. And my response matters a lot to you. It matters that, when you’ve invested energy, I invest energy; when you invest time, you want me to invest time; when you invest thought, you want me to invest thought.
This all seems perfectly reasonable to me, but I should say, it’s not by any means universal among women with whom I interact, and the intensity of your hunger for those various reactions on my part is notable.
All of which makes me think that a part of what motivates you is the desire to be appreciated and engaged with, something I think you get from me, though somewhat imperfectly. I imagine (am I right?) that I often leave you hungry for a little more. A little more praise, appreciation, thought, engagement. This is, I should say, not a conscious withholding on my part, but rather a bit of a gap between what (I imagine) you crave and how I offer what I offer. And maybe, on some level, it also feels familiar (if not so much good) to be left wanting in this way…. And/but, also, I imagine it might make you feel (powerful? alive? desirable? valuable/worthwhile?) to know that all you do has a predictable hydraulic effect on my cock, on my desire. I imagine that sensation might counter some other sensation you carry around with you.
2) This I don’t feel as confident of, and is more of a guess than an observation. I think there’s something… easy? relaxing? safe? about handing responsibility off for aspects of your sexuality to me. When you come, how you come… if it’s all by and for me, that lets you off the hook, somehow. Maybe for the responsibility for wanting to come, for deciding to have pleasure. Certainly for the decision-making around it. I can imagine all sorts of reasons this might be so, ranging from moral to having to do with self-esteem or your sense of personal entitlement – maybe it feels better to imagine/feel/know your pleasure is for me, rather than (just) for you. Or maybe something else entirely….
3) I think that, for you, I play a sort of social role too. We are friends, of a sort, keeping one another company, sharing a perspective about aspects of your life that you don’t get elsewhere. I have the sense that you’re a bit lonely in your sexuality, and I keep you company there. (This certainly is true of me – I’m bottomlessly lonely in my sexuality. It’s one thing I value with you, and it’s the main reason I started my blog, I think.)
I’m sure there’s more, but this is a start….
May I see your ass, please?