It is, quite literally, the case that when my cock isn’t hard, I often feel dead. In these moments, I look for a way of reminding myself, reassuring myself, I’m alive.
The simplest most straightforward way of accomplishing this, of course, is to get a fucking hard-on. I can use porn, or a person, or my hand, or my thoughts, to get my dick hard, to make me feel vibrant, powerful, alive. (It’s telling I’m not saying it’s the orgasm I crave, but the erection.)
There are other ways, though. I can, for example, feel my pulse. Or follow my breath. Or try to notice the sensations throughout my body: my forehead is sweaty, my thighs feel constrained by my too-tight boxers, my mouth is dry, my glutes sore. I couldn’t feel these things were I truly dead; feeling them, attending to them, therefore, reminds me I’m alive.
I can think of the people in my life – my family, my friends, my professional colleagues. I can think of the challenges they are facing, the recent joys they’ve experienced. I can wish them well, I can feel compassion for them. All these remind me I’m alive.
I can do something for someone. Make something, plan something, buy something. Doing just about anything that directs some of my energy toward making the world better for someone else? That’s a sure-fire way to feel alive.
How do you feel alive?