“Whoever told you life is fair?” My grandmother used to say this to me. She was right.
One of the joys and sorrows of “swinging,” or polyamory, or whatever you want to call this dissolute life I lead, is that things are rarely perfectly equal. Some days, my wife’s getting more of what she craves than I am. Some days, it’s the other way around. Sometimes, asymmetry in one or the other direction will persist for weeks, or even months, at a time. Sometimes, there will be abrupt turnabouts, followed by abrupt turnabouts.
OKCupid asks users questions – it’s how their algorithms work. The more questions you ask, the better they can match you with people who answer questions like you do. (Never mind the question about whether people who think identically to me are people I want to meet, let alone fuck.) Some of the questions are dumb – “Which is bigger – the sun or the moon?” Some are political – “Which is worse – book-burning or flag-burning?” Some are sexual – “How would you react if a partner wanted to kiss you after performing oral sex?” Some are mathematical, some are philosophical. One – one I particularly like – is: ”Which would you prefer happen to you, good things or interesting things?”
I would prefer interesting things, hands down. And this is the point. The other day, I noticed I was feeling bad for myself, all morose because I may lose my fucktoy. And I started contemplating all the non-productive, or worse – counterproductive things I could do to compensate myself for this loss. And then I remembered: this is the sort of thing that happens in (my) life. And it’s truly not the end of the world. It’s just how it is.
Same with symmetry: for a while, it bummed me out that my wife was getting everything she wanted, and my insatiable desire still wasn’t fully quenched. And then, I stopped being so bummed out – not because of any wisdom or maturity, but because we switched places. The last couple of weeks, we’ve been all over the place. I could complain – or gloat – but mostly, I’m just enjoying the ride.